If Love Is Chemistry, We All Failed the Test

I’ll admit, I got suckered into reading this “Match.com on Yahoo” article about chemistry. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with empirical formulas, stoichiometry, or pH values. Yes, I loved chemistry as a kid. And to be honest, it would have better served the world if it had some Bill Nye flair.

Chemistry has always been included in the love conversations and I had high hopes for this article in the opening paragraphs. It talked about blending and complementing, both of which take effort. At this point I was blissfully fooled into thinking this would be an article about choices and commitments until I came across the phrase that I believe destroys marriages…

“Feeling butterflies in your stomach.”

Really?

I’m lucky to have been raised in a household in which love is a commitment. It’s not a “feeling” we get in the pit of our stomach. It’s not the “heat” we feel when our lover looks at us. It’s not the “happiness” that our partner brings us. Those are temporary. Those are fleeting. And I don’t want my relationship to be based on things that are passing. I want a firm foundation. I want a rock.

Don’t you?

Now, don’t get me wrong, the feelings, heat and happiness will come. However, they will also go. Then what do you do? Even chemical reactions die down. The catalyst serves it’s purpose. The bonds are created. The agitation ceases. The experiment as a whole is complete.

The article says this, “Chemistry is a very strong indicator of relationship success, but it’s not the whole enchilada…” Incorrect. The whole enchilada… in fact, the rice, beans, plate, margarita, and restaurant, is Christ. Without Him, your relationship is… “meh.”

Trust me.

Your relationship may pass all the worldly tests without Him. I mean, a “C” on a test is passing, but is that all you really want? Don’t you want that “A” to take home and wave in front of your parents? That “A” to hang on the refrigerator next to your finger paintings?

Then you must have Jesus Christ at the center of your relationship.

God created marriage and the power he places on it is incredible. Through marriage, we become the person God intended us to be. We enable our partners to become the people they are intended to be. God lives, works, moves and breathes through marriage. It is the closest we get to the eternal, unconditional love of our Father.

You see those two words… Eternal? Unconditional?

I read those words as “unending” and “without ceasing.” Isn’t that the kind of love we want with someone on this Earth? Don’t those words sound so much sweeter than “feeling” or “heat” or “happiness”?

I think it’s about time we stop lying to ourselves about “chemistry” being the glue that holds us together. Women use it as an excuse for why they are dating the bad boy… “We just have great chemistry.” Darling, that’s called lust. Men use it as an excuse as to why they feel it’s necessary to be with multiple women… “I just have great chemistry with a lot of women.” Sugar, that’s called polygamy.

Instead, are you pushing each other closer to God?

It baffles me that the “love experts” in this world continue to sell us this lie of fickle emotions. It’s time we sit back and really think about why we love. Why we decide to give someone our highest form of praise. Why we get married. And you know what, it’s not about us. It’s about the other person. Thank goodness some people get that.

Like this guy.

You know, I fell in love with my fiance because I saw the person God intended him to be and I wanted so badly to push him toward that. I still want that. On our wedding day I will not vow to give him butterflies. Instead, I will promise to shower him with the love that can only come from above. Including the times I don’t feel like it. He will do the same. It’s the only way we can have a marriage full of joy, passion and trust.

And what really kills me is found at the end of this article, “How to keep the chemistry alive in your relationship.” Ok, make the relationship a priority. Good. Make time for one another. Even better. Not letting yourself go. That’s not bad. I can reason with taking care of yourself to honor your partner.

However, it’s the justification that Judy Mandell (a WOMAN, I’ll point out) gives that drives me up the wall. I can’t paraphrase ignorance so I copied the quote:

“I see this way too often where women get men by looking hot, sexy and alluring — then they stop wearing makeup, putting on sexy heels and have a drawer full of granny panties stashed where Victoria’s Secret used to reign. No wonder your man is looking elsewhere! Make your best self — as in, the self you were when you got him — the norm.”

I was left speechless after reading this. My only wish is that this superficial outlook on women would have been the flashing lights in the first paragraph, alerting readers to the useless information they were about to encounter.

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