OTS by Jess: Day Three

“But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill. Selah.” -Psalms 3:3-4

Today I had the last conversation with my boyfriend that I will have for a while. The confidence in his voice stimulated the confidence in me. At the time he entered base, I said a prayer for him, but it was as if I was watching myself pray. Like I was a witness in the studio, watching a girl pray for me.

It was nothing short of incredible.

This radical moment showed me that I have nothing to fear. It was at that point that a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Ultimately, I have nothing to lose, so why not jump and see how high I can fly.

In fact, I have been shamelessly emailing people to interview on the air. You never know until you ask, right? I think my biggest fear in the past was that if they turned me down, then I instantly burned a bridge.

Fast forward to this evening on my run. I found myself thinking about the days before I came to college. I tried to see myself as my parents would have seen me. Despite the bias that is clearly involved, I was impressed with the vision I saw of myself. I saw myself as a scholar. I saw myself as an athlete. I saw myself as a girl who could light up a room with her smile. And above all, I saw myself as a girl who wasn’t afraid to take the next step.

If I could combine that girl with the woman who I have become… Woah!

It left me speechless. And I found myself running harder, faster and stronger. In a way, with my boyfriend starting OTS for real, I now have the catalyst I need to start my personal OTS for real.

My next task is to combine those two versions of myself. One of the ways I am going to do this is to reconnect with people from my past. People that I have lost consistent contact with since graduating college. It’s exciting because I am more interested in learning about them, rather than sharing about myself.

I think these next few months will consist of me listening… A lot.

Not an easy task for someone who makes their living by talking. Luckily, I can rest in the fact that this time will not be in vain. Even the days when I feel completely defeated, the Lord will be there to lift my head and help me carry on.

So much is already happening, it’s amazing that it’s only Day Three.

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