“Styles Women Love, But Men Hate.” “What Your Man Really Thinks of Your Outfit.” “Does He Find You Sexy?”
We see these headlines all the time don’t we ladies? No wonder we’re so sensitive. Well, isn’t it about time we stepped up and told men what we think of their outfits?
Ok I’ll do it for you.
Men, take notes…
Saggy Pants – Nothing screams “Please don’t take me seriously!” more than a man walking down the street with his hand on his crotch holding his pants up. If you haven’t learned that pants are supposed to stay up on their own or with a belt yet, then you probably have no business dealing with women.
Tank Tops – We know you have armpit hair, chest hair, and back hair. And now you want us to see more of it? No thanks.
Skin-Tight Pants – We don’t like wearing skin-tight pants, so in reality you shouldn’t either guys! This may be the first time I agree with Brett Favre on something, but please give yourself some room where it counts.
Stains/Stench – We all know you do it. We’ve all seen you do it. You dig through a pile of clothes and grab a T-shirt. You then proceed to smell it before putting it on. Let me let you in on a little secret boys… We’re bloodhounds. We smell the stench and we notice the stains. Clean it up.
Which leads me to my next topic… Grooming.
Mustaches – There is a reason these went out of style in the 70’s. Allowing a caterpillar to hibernate above you lip is just not appealing to women.
Long Hair – Guys are notorious for poor grooming habits. So what makes them think that growing out their hair would make the ladies swoon? It’s not attractive, it’s not healthy, and it’s not conducive to our health. We have no idea what’s living up there. And using long hair to cover up bald spot or receding hair lines never works. If you have one of these issues, please embrace it and don’t Donald Trump it.
Highlights – The right to sit in a salon chair for two hours belongs to women and women alone.
Back Hair – Women like their men with some, and I repeat some, hair or no hair at all. Back hair just creeps us out. Shave it, wax it, pluck it or burn it for all we care. Andy, played by Steve Carell was a 40-year-old virgin for a reason. Take note.
Broken/Chewed Nails – Just because women get manicures doesn’t mean you can’t take care of yours. Clippers are very manly.
Pit Stains – If you don’t shower, we don’t want any reason to know that you don’t. Pit stains are an automatic red flag. There is nothing manly about them. They are a complete turn off. Toss the shirt and get some Certain-Dri. Trust me, it works.
I’m going to take this moment to stop before I become too condescending toward men. Let me just say that women love men. I promise. But you’ve got to take pride in taking care of yourselves.
We thank you in advance.