Today, I Lost My Woman Card

I can already feel the wrath that will rain down on me after writing this blog. I may just lose my “woman card” with a post like this. Do women even have cards? I mean, men have cards that they can lose by the simplest things. Like missing the big game to accompany their lady to Victoria’s Secret or running to the store once a month when Aunt Flow comes to visit. So, if women have cards, how do they lose them?

This seems like an endeavor I should seek out another day. Regardless, I feel like whatever card or right that I have to being a woman, may be revoked after I utter these words:

Women are horrible drivers.

I’ll pause now for the 10-minute tantrum full of huffs, puffs and “whatevers”…

It’s time to face the truth ladies. There are plenty of things that we are good at in this world. And who could count the many ways we squash the manly competition in every day life? However, driving is not one of these things.

Let’s take a look at the evidence that I collected this past week.

Sunday: I’m cruising along when suddenly the car in front of me slows down for no reason. Upon getting in the other lane, I see that there is no car in front of the car in front of me. It then becomes apparent what the problem is as I drive by only to see a female driver with her eyes glued to her cell phone. Nice.

Monday: I’m pulling out of work (which is a process in itself) and am stuck behind a car who won’t pull out into traffic. There are plenty of gaps. Long, alluring gaps, but they all pass. Finally, I maneuver my way to the right of the car and decide to take the long way home. It is then that I look into that car, seeing that the reason they have not moved is because the woman has decided to fix her makeup and hair before making a move. Great.

Tuesday: My lovely neighbor is hosting a few guests. From what I can see, the female hasn’t figured out what those little lines are for… Careless.

Wednesday: I’m headed to an intersection to turn right. Just before I reach it, a car snatches my lane with no intention of turning. As stated in previous posts, this is a pet peeve of mine regardless of your gender. But on this day, the driver so happened to be a woman with certain Greek letters proudly displayed on her back windshield. Genius.

Thursday: My apartment has an entrance gate and an exit gate located next to one another. Sometimes the exit gate gets stuck open. This is so classic, I almost enjoyed it. A young lady decided that she was going to use the exit as an entrance. We met on opposite sides of the opening and had a standoff. I endured a dirty look from her, while she had to withstand my “Whatcha-gonna-do-now-pumpkin” look. Finally she backed up and used her clicker to open the entrance gate. I apologized for teaching her how things are supposed to happen. Ignorant.

Friday: It had been a long day at the office and I just needed to run to the store before heading home. I saw that perfect parking spot right in front of H-E-B. I staked my claim (mentally) and just before turning in, this gracious woman cut me off. Cool.

Saturday: This is so tough for me to bring up, but I see it constantly in Texas. I call it “Daddy’s Truck Syndrome.” You know the type, the girls with the fake nails and long dyed hair driving a truck that is way too big for them. You can tell by the hugging of the lines while driving, the terrible parking, the countless dents and scrapes in the bumpers, and the ridiculous custom jobs. The serious cases are those with the giant sticker on the back window that reads “Daddy’s Girl.” Now, I’m probably one of the biggest daddy’s girls out there but sensibly.

Honestly ladies, I could throw myself into this mix as well, but I know we can do better. Maybe one day driving can be added to our “Beat That, Boys” list.

In the meantime, I’ll be working day and night to earn my woman card back.

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